I didn't sleep well -- kept tossing my sheets
this way and that -- I was hot & uncomfortable.
She barely speaks to me this morning
in the shadows of the kitchen. We sit
in morning silence waiting for the coffee pot to finish
spitting out her caffeine. Now she is upstairs.
I felt suffocated with stress; I panicked
& jumped from bed screaming & slapping doors.
(I'm grateful I didn't punch a hole in the wall this time)
I don't know what to do.
When the sirens go off, I have a few seconds;
the lights flash and my system erupts.
My kids always find that one red button:
DO NOT PRESS & then press it on repeat.
Last night it was constant interruptions during a movie.
Before that it was ....... I don't remember;
such is the power & course of amnesia and regret.
(I'm sitting in this shame hangover this morning)
Today will be a long day:
awkward silencesI don't know what to do. I sit
unreplied texts
shame is no response
in my shame & wait for the sun to set
& my past has passed.
