Friday, November 10, 2017

Letter to my brother in prison

Dear Eddie,

You were twelve-years-old 
when I left you to grieve alone.

You were in the seventh grade
when I left you to raise yourself.

You were just a kid when I left.

Mom was 45 when she died.
I left to start my life at 19.

What the hell did I know?

I knew our family was broken,
bongs and Bob Marley silkscreens adorning 
the kitchen table.

I knew our house was unsafe for any child.
I knew you would be just fine.
I knew that I had to get the hell out of there,

and believe that you would be just fine.

I was wrong.
You were just a kid when I left
stuck between a state of pathos 
and a synthetic happiness.

Are we reduced to just one line at the time of our death?
TJN of Denver, a daycare provider, died Monday.

What is your line?
ENJ of Denver, a drug addict and frequent inmate, died.

What will be my line?
AEN of Aurora, apotheosized sibling and lionized long-distant relative, died on Friday.

We are all trying to gain some insight or perspective
that will serve us when we put our pens down for the last time.

3 comments:

aneibauer said...

I have started and stopped this letter so many times that I have lost count. I do not know what to say, really, so I am attempting to use poetry as a way to give me words. Who knows if I will ever send it, but I wanted to finally get something on paper. #UndiscoveredPoetry

Linda Pannell said...

I agree that this may not be finished yet. But sometimes we have to let them go,flawed as they may be. As a poet,you are a delightful discovery for me. What a stunning writer you are.

Linda Pannell said...

It may not be finished, in that it may be impossible to close the door on such pain. But it certainly stands as a fine poem. What a delightful discovery for me to find such a poet. Stunning writing. Thank you .