Saturday, April 02, 2005

hate

I'm scared
when he calls someone a faggot
or uses other hate words.
I'm scared
when he raises his voice.
I'm scared
when his friends come over,
and I can hear the beer bottles clanking together.
I'm scared
when he uses drugs.
I'm scared
when I'm alone with him.
I'm scared
when I sleep.
I sleep with my door locked.
I'm scared
when the brother I used to share a room with
disappears,
and I look into the eyes
of a monster.
I'm scared
when we fight.
I'm scared...I am so afraid of him.
I'm scared
that he will read this poem,
and hate me even more.

4 comments:

Jessica said...

That is just dripping with sadness.

mermaid said...

Part of dealing with the fear is writing this, Adrian. I loved the last lines.

Anonymous said...

it is so sad how much harder it is to hug a brother or sister in love, than to kiss a stranger in goodwill...

i have two sisters, and i have always regretted how we've learned to shield each other from the other's pain, as if to love -- which we know blooms with the sharing -- was to hold all pain at bay, away.

nothing is easy...when you love.

Pincushion said...

Its like an open bleeding wound..the pain palpable..communicating it leads to an ultimate healing..
I pray for the world to be healed.