Wednesday, March 01, 2017

My Own

I sign their names, as my own
underneath their poems
as if they were my own.

I claim that their words are my own
their memories, emotions, are my own
Because I am too scared to write
my own.

Perhaps this is a poem
a thought in time
that someone else can write down
when writer's block sets in
as their child interrupts because she poked herself
in her eye and needs a hug
while their spouse is upstairs
watching YouTube instead of talking.

Perhaps we all need someone else
to tell us what we are
who we are, and how we feel.
Perhaps we need to live vicariously through other people
because our own lives
are too clumsy, difficult, painful, mundane.



Adrian Neibauer, EdD said...

For this first poem, I would love some feedback on the rhythm of the lines and whether you feel that the lines are broken appropriately. I am playing around with assonance (own, down). Let me know what you think!

NJM said...

Yay poetry month! Great first poem! Suggestions are few BC I always enjoy your work and I feel like a shmuck commenting on something I know you worked hard on when I really have no expertise in this area myself. Here goes: 1-In stanza 4 move people up to line 4 (other people). It'll make the "because" more powerful. 2-Lots of commas and semi-colons at the end of line breaks. It's already visually broken up but I can see you're trying to empahsize how you think it should sound with pauses and breaks and such. Excited for day 2! Woo hoo!