Saturday, April 02, 2005

hate

I'm scared
when he calls someone a faggot
or uses other hate words.
I'm scared
when he raises his voice.
I'm scared
when his friends come over,
and I can hear the beer bottles clanking together.
I'm scared
when he uses drugs.
I'm scared
when I'm alone with him.
I'm scared
when I sleep.
I sleep with my door locked.
I'm scared
when the brother I used to share a room with
disappears,
and I look into the eyes
of a monster.
I'm scared
when we fight.
I'm scared...I am so afraid of him.
I'm scared
that he will read this poem,
and hate me even more.

5 comments:

Jessica said...

That is just dripping with sadness.

PoeticMermaid said...

Part of dealing with the fear is writing this, Adrian. I loved the last lines.

ree said...

it is so sad how much harder it is to hug a brother or sister in love, than to kiss a stranger in goodwill...

i have two sisters, and i have always regretted how we've learned to shield each other from the other's pain, as if to love -- which we know blooms with the sharing -- was to hold all pain at bay, away.

nothing is easy...when you love.

esclava said...

I have never personally experienced anything like this, but your communication of it, made me feel it.

Pincushion said...

Its like an open bleeding wound..the pain palpable..communicating it leads to an ultimate healing..
I pray for the world to be healed.